stupid

I don't know what came over me.
Maybe it's because of stress?
I'd like to think so.

A while ago, my laptop refused to work. This damned piece of machinery refused to boot! It refused to boot today! Today! Just when I need to do a major paper for a major subject. How irritating is that? The more annoying thing is this, we had a report and I was still able to use it. And when I finally got the dorm to do the paper, it freakin' won't WORK! Of course, it wasn't the first time it happened. Every since my uncle borrowed my laptop, the battery sometimes decides to annoy me by not working. But I had always been able to fix it. After three or four tries, it works immediately. But not in this case. It took me an hour to get this started! An hour! And the battery isn't even working. Good thing my brother is a techie. So he told me that my laptop could work without the battery as long as I keep it plugged. These are times when I am madly grateful to have a brother taking up Electronics and Communications Engineering. But yeah, my laptop's battery sucks!

And to make things worse, I cried! I just found myself crying when it dawned on me that the battery was never gonna work properly. It's pretty stupid crying because of that. But I couldn't help it. The tears wouldn't stop coming. And it irritated me more to know that I was so irritated with such a trivial thing. I even put my parents on the verge of panic when I talked to them on the phone with my voice cracking. All that crying and worrying left me too spent to make a decent paper.

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I cried. These past few weeks haven't been that kind to me. Everyday is just so stressful. But I've tried my best to suppress all the negative feelings. Maybe that's why I exploded today. Everything was just piling up over one another that I couldn't take it anymore. I feel like my depression will be mirrored in my paper. And I don't even know how to continue anymore. It's as if the tears washed away my motivation to do the paper. But of course, I have to do it inevitably. Might as well started again right now.